FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
