Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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