i may or may not be watching the land before time
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
