32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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