We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
