dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
BRING THE BAGELS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
