happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
