did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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