After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
