Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
