my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I skipped work to stalk him.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
