i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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