Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
