There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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