So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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