One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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