Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
