who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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