If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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