dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think my mom watched the whole time
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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