Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
