What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
