She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize