Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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