Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
