im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize