Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
