We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
