I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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