Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
