I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
