Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
