They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
