You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
