why didn't you poke me back
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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