So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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