so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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