btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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