i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
