I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
