She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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