Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
