If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
