hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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