Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
