Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
operation harelip BJ is a go
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
