I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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