Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
