I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
