I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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