Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
