I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
