My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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