she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
