So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
