So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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