Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
