My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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