I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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