I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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