Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
