I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
