where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
