he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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