3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
